I’m Attracted to Someone Else – Now What next ?

When I first wrote “These 12 Things Are Killing Your Marriage,” I had no intention of turning the post into an ongoing series.attracted-people-evisitnepal-blog But when a friend told me that he and his wife were guilty of most of those relational faux pas – and not only that, they he had simply married the wrong person – I was inspired to write “I Married the Wrong Person – Now What?”
I tentatively shared the article with my friend, who received it graciously. And then he dropped another bombshell: he has recently developed feelings for another woman.
So, once again, I can’t hold back. I have strong opinions when it comes to leaving your spouse for someone else, and will share what I shared with him. 
A Letter to a Friend
Dear Friend,
When you said that you recently developed feelings for another woman, it struck me that that’s a huge reason why you just “don’t want to” anymore with your wife. Like you said, the problems were there before… but bringing a new “friend” into the equation is not helping the situation. It’s definitely going to make it worse. I’ve seen it happen. If you don’t do something now to stop it, the “friendship” is going to develop into something more, and you’ll end up getting the divorce you wanted to spare your kids from.
If your wife is still willing to try, isn’t it your responsibility to make an effort, too? I know you don’t want to, but that’s what marriage is – vowing to stay with someone no matter how you feel, no matter what. You don’t say, “I promise to love you as long as I feel like it.” You promise to love for better or for worse. Right now is definiattraction-evisitnepal-peopletely “for worse,” but you made a promise to God, to her, and to yourself.
Do you have any men in your life that you are accountable to? I strongly encourage you to share this struggle with a man you trust, someone who can walk alongside you in this. If you don’t do anything, and you just leave it to chance, your marriage will end. I pray that’s not the case. For the sake of your relationship with God, and with your kids, I beg you to not let this happen. Divorce is heartbreaking to everyone involved.
A Response
When my friend wrote back, he told me he understood that when he made his vows it was for better or worse, but he was struggling with a lack of desire. The spark that was once there was gone, and not only did he not know how to fix it, he wasn’t really interested in trying. His heart just wasn’t in it.
Here’s my response:
Dear Friend,
I don’t mean to downplay your lack of desire – I just think it has more to do with your involvement with another woman than you realize. The prospect of something exciting and new is like a drug that allows you to escape reality instead of dealing with it. It’s OK to admit how you feel; just don’t let your feelings (which are fickle by nature) define your path.
A Final Wordattracted-nepali-people-to-men-wormen-evisitnepl 
The reason I feel so strongly about this issue is because I’ve seen a few too many friends go down this path, and it has only led to heartache – husbands and wives using the kids as leverage in the divorce, dads not being able to see their kids, and kids who get left in the cold by a dad who decided to start a new life in a new town with his new wife. Who is the winner in these scenarios?
No relationship will have everything; there will always be some kind of tradeoff. But adding a new love interest to the equation lends itself to apathy for your spouse… and you won’t even realize it’s happening. Don’t let your marriage go down without a fight.
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