eVisitNepal

Funny jokes collections|english

Maths teacher asked JOHNY
“If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then wat will u get ?
JOHNY replied “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.

It’s the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It’s called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.

Guide: I welcome you all to Niagara Falls.
These are the world’s largest waterfalls
and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high,
even 20 supersonic planes passing by can’t be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite
so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?

There is a sign in the toilet of the sex change clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.

A chines couple,
Mr Hua & Mrs Hua
got twin babies after marriage.
They named them, Jo-Hua , So-Hua.
Next year they got one more baby.
They named Ye-Kia-Hua

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says ‘To the only boy I ever loved’
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

Announcement in a university:
“Will the students who parked on the driveway, please move their cars…”
20 minutes later:
“Will the 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes…”

Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!

Police arrested a drunkard & asked:
Where are you going?
Man: I’m going to listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who’ll lecture at midnight ??
Man: My wife…

Do u remember the day we travelled in a car?
I put my dog out of the window,
u put ur face out,
then people started shouting
TWINS TWINS

A boy of 1st class to her teacher.
Do you like me?
Miss. So sweet.
Student: When should I sent my parents to your home?
Miss. Why?
Student: To talk about us.
Miss: What are you saying?
Student: For tuition.

Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
“can kids of our age have kids?”

Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”

Boy said to girl :
“see i told you not to worry!!!!”.

A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.
Dad asked: how did u feel?
He replied: Dad it was wonderful.
Everyone was clapping for me
Moral: Take everything positively

Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!

Are you idiot?
Why you keep sending me SMS?
Who gave my number to you?
Never message me again.
Did I ever said that.
Than why don’t you sending SMS.

What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.

Choice is urs……..:p

age of drinks;
1 to 3 milk
3 to 8 cerelac
9 to 13 horlicks
14 to 25 bear
26 to 40 whisky
41 to 60 tonic
after 60 anytime
“GANGA JAL

Q- What is the height of CONFIDENCE?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans- A 99 years old woman buying a SIM card with LIFE-TIME validity.

Who walks with us
through the difficult part of life?
Mon Dad?
No!
Husband Wife?
No!
Friends?
No!
One and only our slippers!!!!
So keep them safe

LOVE V/S EXAM
LOVE: lots of thoughts in mind but no guts to express
EXAMS: lots of guts to express but no thoughts in mind

One frog asked Astrologer: Please tell my future
Astrologer: A smart girl will touch you.
Frog: Great..! But when & where?
Astrologer: next semester in Zoology lab

A foreigner had very spicy Indian dinner.
Next morning he came out of the toilet & said,
now i understand Why indian use water.
Tissue Can catch fire…

Patient: Please don’t give me the injection.
I’m afraid of it’s pain.
Doctor: Don’t worry!!
I’ll inject you first that kills the pain!!!!

Son: The girl of our neighbors
don’t understand English.
Father: How do you know?
Son: I said to her “Give Me Sweet Kiss”
and she slapped me.

Funny Definitions
Home: A place where you can scratch where it itches.
Doctor: A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills.
Love: Loss Of Valuable Energy
Wife: Worries Invited For Ever

Mr.Bean got an Invitation for a Party,
They told him that he must put BROWN TIE only.
When he went to party he was shocked?
other were wearing pants & shirts also…

A typical student flips a coin and think.
If Head- will go to sleep.
If Tail- will watch a move.
If Stands- will listen music.
If Stays in air- will study

He+She= Love.
He+She+Love=Marriage.
He+She+Love+Marriage=Child.
He+She+Love+Marriage+Child=Family.
AND
He+She+Love+Marriage+Child+ Family=Problem.
So my dear friend
Be careful.

Hi all,
Let get stupid and Celeberate Miss call day
Send dis msg to ur frnds n get misbels in reply.
But reply me 1st

A student wrote a letter
to his father from hostel:
Dear dad…!
No money,No fun.
Your son!
His father replied:
Dear son!
So sad,Very bad
Your dad!

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